So, I am in a new relationship that only a Jerry Springer producer could think up.

So I broke up with my ex about a month ago, I already made a post about that. I felt a little guilty about calling it quits and making him upset, despite the fact that it was something that HAD TO HAPPEN. He went on facebook (as I imagined he would) and went on this long rant about how he was the impoverished victim.

Cut to a week after the split, I meet a new guy who is great in all the ways the old one was not. He is witty, easy going, and most of all independent. After finding him suspiciously familiar, I find out that he is in the same chorus as my ex! We were both fine with that, But on top of that, it turns out they had a sexual history at one point! So now there are people in the chorus that only know me through my ex, and people that only know me through my new guy. And to make matters worse, they are going on a chorus retreat and staying in the same room with two other members, its going to be some DRAMA.

Things get stickier. My ex once he finds out is going to go ballistic. But I no longer care about him being steamed because as it turns out, when they hooked up, it was 2 months ago. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SIX MONTHS AND ONLY BROKE UP LAST MONTH, so essentially, MY BOYFRIEND WAS CHEATING ON ME, AND THEN WHEN I (now thankfully) BREAK UP WITH HIM, HE GOES AND RANTS ON FACEBOOK MAKING EVERYONE THINK HE IS THE VICTIM IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

You cant act like a martyr when you are doing something far worse than any complaint you could levy at me. He sucks and it makes me feel like the past half year was an even bigger waste of my time. But the benefit now is that I can see him revel in the seething jealousy he’ll have when his sees the two people who dumped him TOGETHER. I am into Mike way more than I was ever able to be with Paul, and its icing on the cake to think that what is now happening is only going to expose his lying.

But aside from all of this drama, I am enjoying this new guy in my life and am looking forward to what the future holds.

But… Fuck Paul.

So… I’m single again.

Ultimately what did it was that I was tired of apologizing for being an artist. I was tired of having to defend being busy and needing time to make work at a very important period of my life (MY MFA THESIS, THE THING I AM IN PHILLY FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE). And lastly, I was tired of feeling guilty for doing responsible things, because of having my time away from him be kept track of like he was some sort of warden.

Smothering is a real deal, it replaces love with posession, and support with suspicion. It seems loving at first, then you slowly realize that its not about caring, but about disregarding what the other wants and making only your needs matter. It makes the relationship go at THEIR pace, and not one that was mutually agreed upon. 

I got tired of feeling like being myself was wrong. So I got out, and I am now looking for someone who is wanting to give respect, trust, and space at a time of my life where so many drastically different possibilities are in front of me.

I realized I hadn’t posted in a while…

So this is what happened in the past couple of months.

  1. Got a boyfriend! His name is Paul and he is awesome. First guy to actually admit to being my boyfriend.
  2. Started year two of grad school. Working on a huge number of new paintings. I haven’t posted any images because they are all still in the middle of being worked on, and some of them are employing new techniques that are a little hit or miss in terms of execution. I’ll post new images soon.
  3. Got a new camera! Its a Sony NEX-C3 and I love it. DSLR sized sensor, interchangeable lenses, but with a camera body that is as thin as a normal point and shoot. Never been satisfied with the images my camera makes like I have been with this camera.
cubdiscovery: Reblog if you are part of this community or sympathize with it. I’d like to say I am, but I don’t really feel there’s a place for me. At least not anymore. Not since it has condensed itself to a narrow band of hyper specific types.
Douchbags of Grindr makes me lose faith in humanity. Every sort of douche is accounted for: Racists who are violently (and vocally) not into minorities, Like the guy above, and John Mayer. Jerks who pumped one too many steroid shots and think they are gods gift to humanity. Kids barely above drinking age who think 26 year olds are elderly. The guys who have to declare/demand “classiness”. If you have to say you are classy, you arent. Humans can be such a waste of potential sometimes. 
I have fallen off the grid this month, in part because I AM IN ROME. I went to Florence last week and as I got off the train back in Rome and left the terminal, I walked out to find I was at the VERY START OF THE ROMA EUROPRIDE PARADE. The above is one of the tamer pictures from the parade. I saved my set of pride images on my computer, which is good considering that because of a memory card file corruption, I may have lost all of my images from the past 2 weeks. Over 1700 images could be potentially gone, and I will only know for sure when I get back to the states. So as a precaution I am retaking tons of images. Prepare for the onslaught or Rome photo’s come July! Ciao!
I used to watch CNN Headline News (when it was just a 24hr news feed) every morning before school, just so I could see hunky Thomas Roberts. Then he left and I was bummed. I found out he was gay, I was like YES! I found those hot manhunt images he took of himself, I was like YASS! When I saw that he would be on MSNBC EVERYDAY, I was like YaaaAAAAAAAS!! Childhood crush, meet adulthood crush.